sorry.

I will be back in full force shortly.

Today I feel so alone.
God please show me truth. Do not let these emotions take control of my mind.

Desert

Proverbs 17:22"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit zaps a persons strength."

The second we fall away from God, the second we let our emotions take control of our mind, our spirit zaps. We fall into a dark whole of emotions. Emotions that are indescribable. That feeling of nothing but pure hopelessness. a broken spirit is nothing but a tired, and weary spirit.
Letting go the spirit of joy in our heart, letting go the joy of the Lord is one of the hardest places to be in. I was just in that place. I felt alone, I felt battered, I felt useless in this world. Everything I did, everywhere I turned was just another empty and lost whole. The day I rededicated myself to the Lord, the moment the heaviness in my heart disappeared. Being close to the Lord again, let me tell you has been a journey. Yes there are times that I still fight with loneliness, there are times when I feel weak and beaten down. But the difference is now I have somewhere to run. I feel like I can run into the arms of the Lord. I can cry out to him, and let everything out. He is listening.

"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in a time of need." Proverbs 17:17

When we feel sad and alone, not only do we have God, but we have also been given people to lean on. We can find those who will encourage us, who will also bring us closer to God. I thankfully have a large group of people who I can go to. I have people who I can count on to lead and direct me to the Lord. I have people who have changed me for the better. I may feel alone.

I may fee alone, even feel alone right now. But I just need to hold onto God and run to him and his word to help me and give me the strength I need.

"I love you Lord
and I lift my voice
to worship you
oh my soul
rejoice
take joy my King
in what you hear
may it be a sweet, sweet sound
in your ear."

"Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart." Proverbs 17:3

Beach Baby

so many things to be thankful about.
I love you Lord so very much. and I give you so much thanks.
You light up my life.
You give me the air that I need to breathe.
You paint the world with beautiful colors.
It is in your refuge I can find true joy.

so many things to be thankful about.
you give me a family to love.
you place me around those who give nothing but praise to your name.
you place me around those to change.
I give you all the thanks Lord.

You give me a night sky to look up at
You give me water to drink
food to eat
you give me everything.

I am nothing without you.
You are my shelter
you are my strength.
The little I know without you.
you fill my brain with knowledge
knowledge of your creation, knowledge of words you inspired men to write.
you fill me with everything.
I am nothing without you.
you are everything to me.
and I love you so.
God Father in Heaven I give all my thanks to you on this fall night.

Fall

I love the Fall weather. This morning I am sitting by my window and watching the rain fall down hard.
It is daylight savings, so we fell back an hour. It is a wonderful morning waking up at seven and having the entire morning to yourself and to be alone with God.
I have a thankful heart for many reasons, one being that I have a family that loves me, I have a job, I have a car, I have a bed to sleep in, and I am able to have a relationship with Christ.

I today am taking a break in Proverbs and I just want to focus on having a thankful heart. There are so many reason's as to why a human should be thankful for everything in their life, but a follower of Christ, has a lot to be thankful for. We have been chosen to be his children. I am not one hundred percent sure if I believe in predestination or not, but one thing I know, I am his chosen child. I should not live this life overwhelmed and saddened by the events and emotions of things. I should always, no matter what situation that I am in have a thankful heart.
Why do I have a thankful heart no matter the circumstance?

this is why:
"The Lord is my shepherd;
I have everything that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
He leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along the right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the dark valley of death,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies
You welcome me as a guest,
anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord FOREVER."
Psalm 23

this recited verse is so powerful to me. Because it gives me perspective. The days when all I want to do is cry, and think how sad my life is, I just look at this verse, and it changes my mindset. I know that probably many of these little posts that I make, might say the same things...but right now in my life, I need to be focusing on this. The Bible keeps bringing me to this place..keeps leading me to verses where I see that nothing but the Lord is all I need in my life. I may be in a dark spot, I may be in a lonely time in my life. But I just need to focus on the fact that right now the Lord has his plan for me laid out, he is not going to leave me astray. I may have times when I am alone..such as now, but what do I need to do during this time? I need to thank the Lord that he has given me this time to myself. That I am able to really study deep into the Lord's word. I am able to learn about him on my own. I do not have my mommy standing by me telling me what the read, I do not have anyone forcing me to do anything. It is just me and me reading the Bible myself. I am discovering the truth on my own. And that is something to be giving thanks about.

All of his goodness and unfailing love will follow me all the days of my life. That does not mean God is only going to be around when I am sad, or when times are good. He is going to be there with me and giving me unfailing love...ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE.
Just reading that comforts me. It gives me strength to know, that I am in fact, not alone.
I am not alone.
I have God
I have his spirit in me.
it is what gives me daily strength
it is what gives me joy,
gives me hope

Even when I walk the valley of Death, I have nothing to be afraid of. Because you are there with me. You are going to be there for me from the beginning to the end.
knowing this gives me such strength,

gives my soul such a renewed feeling.
I think you Lord so much for giving me life. I thank you for being here with me. I thank you for giving my the strength.
I thank you for your path that you have given me.
I love you Lord
I trust you Lord
I will live for you Lord.
Amen.

In Your Eyes.

Today has been a almost blue kind of day.
You know what is so funny, I was mentioning yesterday about how I feel the the Lord is preparing my heart for the person he has for me. Well today is one of those days I need to remind myself that.
Today is a cloudy and rainy day in LA. People are going to be driving like idiots, and the store at work is going to be a slow one.
The only thing I kind of desire at this moment is some sappy love story. I want to be that sappy love story. I am tired of being single, I am sick and tired of carrying on by myself. I want to know what it is like to have someone you depend on.
So today is going to be a little bit different. I am going to take a break from being in Proverbs, and dedicate it to another book in the Old Testament today.

I am going to be in the book in Habakkuk. and I am actually only going to be looking mainly at a few verses, but today...they just really hit the spot.

in Habakkuk 2:3 it says:
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. it will not be delayed."

this simple verse to me. Is one of those verses that gives me all the strength in the world.
It is a verse the lets me know that I need to still be patient. I need to stop complaining, I need to stop wanting to make something happen, when in reality...it is just not the right timing. I know that the person who God has for me is right around the corner, I know that he is near, but I just still need to be patient, and wait on the Lord and allow his timing to be the one in control.
Because like I have already mentioned. I know so little of the big picture, and he knows my life, he has everything laid out for me...it is my job to allow his plan to play out. I need to stop allowing my emotions and the silly things that pull me away from God to get in my way.
I continue need to focus my mind on the things above, and trust that this is his plan and not mine.
I know that there will be someone for me, and I know that he will come. I just need to give it time. To allow our paths to meet up...whenever that may be.
one day I will look back at this post and laugh and think how silly I was to be complaining about this. Because I know that he is out there. I know he is close.

Learning to Breathe

Proverbs 16 is a wonderful chapter. There of course all the chapters in the Bible have powerful meaning, and one can get something important out of every verse, but Proverbs I have to tell you is a wonderful book filled with many things that we can apply in our lives, and really challenge ourselves.
One thing that I particularly really need to always work on is the fact that God is total control of our lives. Throughout college, when I was a kid, and even to this day I strive so hard to be total control of my life. To me it can be very scary not trying to be in control of everything.

I like to know what is always ahead of me, and what is to come. Being a follower of Christ, this can be very difficult because as well all know, we really have little to no control over our lives. God is in 100 percent control and we follow his path that he has laid out for us. Yes we can fall into the world and walk away from the path that God has for us, and I feel that we can get ourselves into situations that are not what God wants for us, but through many of those situations we hit rock bottom and find Christ again.
The first sentence of chapter 16 says
"We can gather our thoughts, but the Lord gives the right answer."
a little further on down the chapter it says
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."
And the end of the chapter states
"It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city. We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall."

everything about this chapter speaks deep to me. I am currently going through a few things where I want to be in control.
The first area is I want to be in control with is my career. It is an area that can be frustrating and unknown. If I could be control I would have my dream job, I would be doing what I ultimately want to be doing. But I have to realize something. GOD IS IN TOTAL CONTROL. He is the one who has me in my current state. I do not know why, but for some reason he has me here and it is important that I keep blessing him for where he has me.
If you would have asked me a year back what I would be doing currently, working at a cupcake store would not be on the top of my list. But again, I am growing stronger in my relationship with the Lord because of where I am. I am facing issues that I have never really wanted to face before. I am in this place in my life all because the Lord had this all mapped out for me. Again verse 9 says
"We can make the plans, but the Lord determines our steps."
we can apply here and apply there and strive for something, but in the end, the Lord determines our steps, he determines where we go to get what HE has planned for us.

Because in the end, I know so little, and he knows all. He knows everything. And it is my job to allow God to have the control over my life. Because when I try to play God and take control of my life, I become overwhelmed and depressed.

I wrote this simple poem during one of my dark times recently,

He walks with me forever
No matter where I am
I feel love around
covering my life
Although I am weak
and I fall so many times
He is still always there for me
My God, Jesus Christ
I love you, oh yes, I love you.

We can go through dark times and we can be lead down places we never desired to be, but in the end when we are in these dark situations, it is important to be almost thankful during that time.
The Bible says that we should rejoice because God has put us through trials because we are his children. He punished those who are his true children, so that we will change our ways.
my current life verse that I tend to go to often now,
is found in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

"for our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at our troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on the things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

Another thing that I battle. Is the fact that I am still single. I get so discouraged every time I see a young couple, or people talking about their boyfriend. Petty issue, I know. But it is something that I always think about. But something I do know, is that God has placed the desire for me to be married in my heart. I KNOW that there is someone out there, I do not know who they are, and most likely I have never even met them yet, but I know that they are still out there. So it has been my prayer everyday instead of pushing for it to happen today, to have a boyfriend, husband as soon as possible, I have really been working on practicing being patient, and asking the Lord to prepare me and my heart for that person he has for me.
Until that person has been brought into my life, I will be patient and continuing strengthening my relationship with Christ. Everything is God's timing. I have no control over the plans that he has for me.

and I am forever thankful for that.

Salvation is here

What the Water Gave Us.

Proverbs 13 and 14.
There are a few themes that flow throughout these two verses, but one area that really spoke out to me and is really prevalent is the talk about homelessness. The Bible addresses this a lot throughout the Bible, and one thing that God wants us to do about the homeless, is to HELP them. I do not know about any of you, but there are times when I am walking by, driving by and I feel the spirit pushing me to give them something. A voice almost takes over your whole body saying, help them, ask them what you can do for them.

Working in LA, I see homeless people everywhere. Many of them have made it a full time job and become lazy human beings just living off the money that people give them.
Proverbs 13:4 says
"Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper and be satisfied."

I am not pointing out only the homeless people, but there are also many people who are in general just do not try in life. They live lazy lives and do not have a drive to work hard. But to my point, there are many people who are homeless because they refuse to work. And they are able to find enough money begging on the street. So many times when I personally pass by homeless people, there are many who I am not pushed to help.
But for the ones that I am pushed to help, I help. I do what I can..whether it means to ask them, or not. And for some of them, they may be lazy human beings and they just live a beggars life because it is easier. But when I help people I make sure to be praying for them the whole time I am there with them. I pray that they use the money, or the food that I buy them in honor of your name. And that they would feel His love, and become a follower of Christ.

I am not writing this to boast in the fact that I help the homeless, it is more because the Bible constantly reminds us to help the poor.
"It is a sin to despise one's neighbors; blessed are those who help the poor."
God tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. I am over and over blessed enough to have food. I am able to come home to a warm house, I have a car, I have job. There are those who do not have anything that I have, it is important that we share God's love to those who do not have what we have, and help them out. We are all God's people, it is a fact that in heaven we are going to be all worshiping together. People from all over the world, people who were rich, poor, homeless, and people who have a home.

Proverbs 14:31
"Those who oppress the poor insult their makes, but those who help the poor honor him."

if you see a homeless person and you feel the need to help them, HELP THEM. We can all make excuses like I do not have any money, I do not have anything to give them. But they may need someone to talk to, they may need something. The Lord works in crazy ways and we know so little, if you feel the push of the spirit, follow it, do what it says, you never know what could happen.

There have been times when I feel the spirit pushing me, and I do nothing. I regret all those times I do that. Because what happens if you ignore the spirit, you are slowly extinguishing its power in your life. If you feel the urge, act on it, if you like me hear a voice telling you what to do, act on it.

We can live this life for ourselves. But we can also live our life for a greater purpose. We can live it for the Lord.
Another thing that I see living in LA, is empty people. They have all the money that they need, they have the nice car, they wear the expensive jewelry, and buy expensive clothing. They have many friends and people all around them, many live a life in fame. Everything that this world stands for, they have. But they are empty. They are lost beings always looking for something new to fulfill them.
Proverbs 14: 13 says
Laughter can conceal a heavy heart; when the laughter ends, the grief remains."

We can experience highs and lows, yet when the highs end...we are left with our thinking and if you are empty and alone, it will eat one apart.

I very much experienced this feeling recently. Everything I did I would never be alone. I would go to friends houses to get away from facing my thoughts of loneliness. When the laughter ended, the grief remained. But when you abandon your thought on this world, when you stop focusing on the things of this world, and focus on things set above. The love that the Lord has for us, we do not need to be sad, we do not need to feel empty.
We have the Lord standing there with open arms, wanting to love us. We just need to run to him, and he will take away the pain, he will take away the hurt, he will heal us.
I am being healed to this day.
Thank you Lord for loving me, and never leaving me. The times when I turned away from you, the times when I felt strong enough to not need you, you were still there for me. I have abused you and turned away...yet much like the story in the prodigal son, you are there waiting for us to come back to you, you have never stopped loving us.
I love you Lord with all of my heart, and soul.
You are the way to everything good.
You are the way to eternal life.
You are the way to true happiness.