This may be too much for some to read, but I can very much relate to this. I feel like I need to post this.

TW: Eating Disorders // Why you feel fatter when you've lost weight.

Imagine this - you’re still consumed by your eating disorder and you’re in your bathroom, whether that be starving, binging, purging, what have you. You exhale and step on the scale, waiting for its result. You’ve lost weight. A small tinge of excitement runs through your body, yet it still feels like it’s not enough. Over the course of the day (or week, month, and all that follows), you start to feel fatter. You look in the mirror at your body and are repulsed. Everyone tells you that you are too thin, too weak, too consumed with your eating disorder, but all you can see is room for improvement. You feel fatter than you did when you first began.

This is a typical scenario. Most eating disordered individuals do feel fatter than they did when they first took the tumble into their eating disorder, and thus they feel the need to lose more weight. And more. And more, and more, and so on and so forth. There’s a few reasons why this occurs, and it’s not because you’re fatter. Rather, it’s the opposite.

• You’re not getting enough nutrients. When your body is deprived of calories, or is constantly getting rid of them, your brain cannot function properly. Your decisions will be irrational and your thought process will be skewed. You will be constantly in a state of disarray because your body does not have the nutrients to go through the process of rational thought.
• Fat is an adjective. At least to eating disordered individuals. When an eating disordered individual says that they are fat, there is always underlying meaning. It can mean that they are feeling stressed, upset, guilty or angry. An eating disorder is a mask for other problems, and to them, saying that they feel fat is an underlying cover for other problems, as it encompasses all the negative thoughts they feel.
• You’re anxious. This ties in with the second point of ‘fat is an adjective’. Contrary to belief some have, your eating disorder will not make you less anxious or make your problems go away. It really only increases them. As your eating disorder worsens, your family and friends will become worried, and tensions will surely flare. They may get angry because they don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself, your grades or work will suffer, you will not be able to perform and do things that you used to do. You may feel guilty about putting them through stress, eating the food in the house, et cetera. Coupled with the fact that you cannot think rationally, your body is in a state of ridiculous stress and thus makes you more susceptible to heavier anxiety than you’ve ever felt before. This can bring on the feeling of fat.